perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
