My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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