I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
