We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
