I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
wakey wakey hands off snakey
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
