im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
