"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
