just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize