I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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