In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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