1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
