Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
