what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
