I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
