i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
