I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
