haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Too much gin, very little bucket
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
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the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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