I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.