she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions