Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?