I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
