I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.