Well apparently he's into motor boating.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
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Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
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I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?