Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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