god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.