he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
People in love make me want to vomit
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
