and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Randomize
