the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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