how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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