Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
