Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
