Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
