im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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