oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
