Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
