I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
