Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
