Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
