Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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