I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
