we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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