If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
