the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
