Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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