i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
