So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
