NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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