My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize