i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
