I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
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I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
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There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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