Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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