just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
