Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
