Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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