Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
