Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
