If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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