Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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