Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
