well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
