I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
