don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
