I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
