Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
smell my finger.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
