dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
