i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
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I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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