you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
