finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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