Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
