How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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