I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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