I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
