Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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