I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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