someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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