shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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